A Letter To My Depression

Dear Depression,

You won last night. I was so upset with myself and you, that spent the night in bed, crying on and off. I would say I hope you’re happy, but of course, I already know you’re not. And even though you left in a huff, satisfied with how you escalated things, I know you’ll be back.

This morning I got the fight back in me and I’m mad about how you behaved. It seems silly to be communicating like this, but I wanted to get this letter out to you before you came back, so that you know where we stand going forward.

Let’s review your points, shall we? What is it you said? Oh. That I am a piece of garbage. That I don’t deserve to be loved and all my friends will leave me eventually. That I can't do anything right and should just give up trying. Is that right? What proof do you have?!

Those are some crazy, grandiose statements. They are based on nothing. I mean, I would never say something hurtful like that to anyone I know, but apparently, you can say that to me all the time. Well, it’s not ok. It’s hurtful and gets me super upset; especially since you like to repeat yourself over and over until I am (or at the very least, close to) having a full-on panic attack.

Let’s, just for a second, assume that you are right. Where do we go from there? Sure, maybe before this year I didn’t have friends who understood what it’s like to have to drag you around. And yes, even my relatives thought I made you up since I am “just so sensitive”. But that’s exactly the reason I found good friends and stopped talking to those relatives—because I learned how full of lies you are.

I know this is your way of egging me on, hoping that I will do something really drastic. Maybe even hurt myself in some way. But nope, I won’t do that.

Thankfully, I have learned that there are kind people out there, who will listen and help however they can. They are friends and doctors and even strangers who work hard to make sure I don’t take your words to heart and do anything drastic.

And don’t you DARE go to someone else and try to pull the same crap on them. Because if I am around, so help me, I will fill the room with so much love and joy, you won’t know what hit you.

You go low and I’ll go high (thanks Michelle for the tip), if not higher.

 
Michelle-hi-low
 


We’re stuck together be together for the foreseeable future. I can’t imagine we will ever get along since I would rather not have you in my life, but we will definitely need to co-exist. If I could, believe me, I wouldn’t hesitate to stop all communication with you. Unfortunately, since you reside in my head, due to my lack of serotonin, I can’t. I’m using medication now to make up for the chemical imbalance and seeing a therapist to learn better behaviors. Hopefully, that'll help me prepare, so that the next time you show up, I won’t be so caught off guard with your declarations.

Oh, and one more thing. Dinner’s at 7. Please come on time and with an appetite. Those meals are prepared with love and care and I can’t let you keep ruining them by making everything taste bland.

Sincerely,

Mxiety